The Power of Platonic Relationships
Swimming in my uncle’s pool on the 4th of July, I was catching up with a lifelong friend. She told me about a life coaching program she had just finished and she was in need of people to ‘practice' with for a small fee. Immediately I said I would be her, “guinea pig.” She was someone I always looked up to, trusted, and respected. Through this program my life was forever changed. The life coaching program has a big emphasis on tapping into your feminine side and women supporting women. This led to being introduced to the idea of a Power Partner, which I felt very unqualified to pursue. A Power Partner is an intentional platonic friend who you support and who feels supported by you.
I knew Bethany from Green Lotus’ yoga teacher training. We were friendly and got along fine but didn’t have a strong connection at the start. All of that changed when the sangha trekked up to Duluth, her hometown, for a fall visit a few months after YTT ended. Bethany and I are both school teachers and we spent the several mile hike at the front of the pack discussing qualms about teaching through a pandemic. As we talked and hiked, I thought….”maybe she could be my Power Partner”… I was unsure and nervous to ask, this is not something that people do with their friends… ask them to be in a committed intentional relationship?! What would she say? Later that evening, sitting in a 140 degree steaming sauna, I asked a friend to try something with me, a different kind of relationship. I asked her to be my Power Partner. This sort of partnership with another woman is rare, beautiful, and generative. It is one that comes with intention, guidelines, connection and vulnerability.
Bethany was intrigued. We had a lot in common, we enjoyed growing, learning, teaching, the partnership seemed to make sense to her too. Right away we set up our first call. I explained what I had learned from my life coaching program. She had also done a similar program and was familiar with the idea. This would be a supportive partnership with guidelines and boundaries. We decided how often we would connect and how to make sure it was worthwhile for the both of us. Bethany and I decided to share a weekly individualized intention once a week, then check in on the intention twice a week and have a monthly phone call to share about our month.
Our weekly intentions were what sparked the most growth in each of us. We choose an intention based on what felt right at that very moment. This is different from a goal, as an intention gets curious, wonders and focuses on creativity and expansion. When we set intentions, we are not focused on an outcome or end point, instead, we are opening ourselves up to welcome a new understanding of ourselves. Bethany was unclear about what an intention was, she was ready to set goals at the start of our partnership. A goal would be “I will wake up to my alarm each morning” instead of “I will get curious as to why I do not want to get out of bed with my alarm.” Switching from the word “goal” to “intention” was challenging for Bethany. Culture tells us to set and meet goals with discipline, forcefulness and sudden change. Oftentimes, disregarding who we are as people. Through my intention, I might get curious about listening deeply, wonder how I can connect more to my intuition, or get creative about a way I feel stuck. These new insights led us to revolutionize our thinking and to a deeper understanding of ourselves.
Bethany shines my brilliance back upon me, when I am in a clouded, dark, and stuck place, sometimes it is hard to see who I am, she brings me back there by always seeing and believing in the best parts of me. Where I see lack, she points out abundance, where she sees she is stuck, I point out expansion and growth. Through this relationship, I feel supported and understood. I am able to take chances and risks because I have someone who supports me, is a cheerleader for my growth and committed to their own. We have now been Power Partners for three years. Even long distance, we are committed to make time and space for each other. We have exponentially grown as separate people because of the bond and commitment we share. Each summer we celebrate our relationship by having a Power Partner Summit. One summer we went camping at St. Croix State Park. By the fire we ignited ideas we wanted to bring with us, perhaps an intention from the year we got curious about and let burn the old thought patterns that no longer serve us. The next summer, we went on a yoga retreat together in the Boundary Waters and the next was camping again, this time at Milacs Kathio State Park. Everytime we finish a monthly call or a weekend visit, we feel refreshed and rejuvenated, more connected to ourselves through this powerful relationship.
Culture teaches us that relationships of the romantic variety are the ones we should spend most of our time and energy on. That those are the only ones that are most important and truly matter in the long run, I disagree. I am so thankful I can be happily married with a platonic Power Partner too! She is truly family now and I don’t want to think about what my life would be like without her. Thank you to the universe for making this relationship work for us. In many ways, it has transformed my life and will continue to do so.
If you are curious, maybe ask someone that appears at just the right time, if they would like to be intentional partners. Make up your own guidelines and boundaries. Do what works for you but know that when you say yes to a friend that says yes to you, your universe will expand and you will shine more brilliantly than ever. Maybe your yoga practice will bring you to the right person at the right time, just like mine did.
